Sample MBA Admissions Essays - Accepted by Stern and NYU (Courtesy of EssayEdge)
1. Think about the decisions you have made in your life. Describe the following:
PAST: What choices have you made that led you to your current position?
PRESENT: Why is a Stern MBA necessary at this point in your life?
FUTURE: What is your desired position upon graduation from the Stern School?
I like options, I like security, and I like power. With these wants, I knew at a very early age that I would enter business and thus I attended a college that specializes in the subject. In my first position out of school, I was hired by Dunhill Equities as a cold-caller. After several weeks of being hung up on by angry prospects, I decided that this career path would not lead me to success. I then moved within the firm to a position as sales assistant. While this was by no means my dream job, I learned a tremendous amount about business, and I gained useful exposure to the world of finance. Unfortunately, the company hit a period of instability, and after ten months I transferred with my boss to Coleman & Company. Thirteen months later, that company also began to fail, and I began to search for another path to advancement. With two strikes against me, I hit a home run and was hired by Sanford Bernstein into a challenging job with limitless opportunity for growth.
After almost three years at Bernstein, I am once again seeking career advancement. My education and work experience have provided me with an excellent introduction to business, and they have sparked my interest in finance. Taking into consideration my foundation and my interests, graduate business school is the next logical step. At this point in my life, I consider a Stern MBA to be necessary since I need to gain a broader understanding of finance and to sharpen my analytical skills in order to be successful in corporate finance. Stern’s MBA program will allow me to concentrate in finance, strengthen my global business perspective, and provide me with the opportunity to study with and learn from people with varied backgrounds. The school’s location in the financial capital of the world and in one of the most diverse cities in the world also suits me perfectly.
Aside from advancing my career, I would also like to develop personally. In college I did not join many clubs or organizations, and I did not participate in sports. Instead, I spent all my time studying, working, or dealing with family issues. Having been away from home and living in New York City for four years, I feel the need to make a name for myself and to develop a meaningful social life. I want to take advantage of the many benefits that extracurricular activities offer, and I want to be involved in the Stern community.
Upon graduation from the Stern School, I will seek a position as an associate within the corporate finance department of a large, Wall Street, investment-banking firm. In three to five years, once I have become adept in financial analyses, drafting prospectuses, preparing business presentations and other financial advisory work, I will move into a senior associate position. Here I will develop my abilities to anticipate client needs and to engineer solutions that address these needs. In approximately 10 years, I will have the experience necessary to take on upper-level management responsibilities.
Describe yourself to your MBA classmates. (You may use any method to convey your message: words, illustrations, etc.)
I grew up in a small fishing village in Maine, surrounded by family. Expectations and aspirations are limited in such an environment. I could have made a living exploiting the sea, but chose to do similar work as a corporate executive. Although I have no siblings, my hometown contains over fifty family members, and our agenda of family activities is always packed. Most of my family is employed in the commercial fishing industry, which instilled in me at a very young age, the concept of work. At age eleven, I started babysitting and mowing lawns, and at the age of fifteen I applied for my lobster license. The first summer with my license, I took a job as a sternperson with a fellow female. We were the only two females out there, which was definitely an experience. When the lobstering season ended that year, I took a job at a grocery store bagging groceries. I saved enough money to build a boat and to buy fifty lobster traps; I was on my way. The following summer I continued to work as a sternperson, and I also fished my own traps. I continued lobstering throughout the rest of high school and college, and it helped me finance my college education.
In addition to being ambitious and motivated enough to put my heart into even mundane, low-level tasks, I am also extremely organized. This is one characteristic that has always received praise. I pay particular attention to detail, which I believe has contributed to my success thus far. I take pride in my work, and I look at it as a representation of myself. In my position at Sanford Bernstein as a Consultant Liaison, I market my firm to the financial consulting community. Maintaining the integrity of the firm is vital and errors are disastrous. When training new group members, I stress this point most thoroughly.
I work in a group that currently has six members. The group serves as a central source of information for the firm, and its success relies on an extraordinary amount of cooperation from each of us. As a senior member, I am able to contribute to the group in several ways including: training group members, controlling the quality of the group’s output, managing and accurately completing multiple requests with short turnaround times, gathering and conveying information from senior investment professionals, collecting and calculating data, maintaining databases, overseeing projects aimed at making long-term improvements to the group’s processes, and strengthening my own foundation of knowledge to be used as a resource. Recently, as the result of a manager leaving the firm, I have also taken on some of the managerial responsibilities for the group including prioritizing and delegating assignments.
Though I am an excellent team player, in business school I would like to sharpen my managerial skills. I have found that I need to overcompensate for my “soft” appearance in order to get my point across. I hope to improve my negotiating skills and to gain more experience in getting group members to carry their own weight. At the same time, I do not want to become a tyrant. To be effective, it is important for a manager to maintain the proper balance of power and compassion. Only in this way, will I be able to lead a team of people to realizing the goals of a firm.
(Optional) Please provide any additional information that you would like to bring to the attention of the Admission Committee. If you are unable to submit a recommendation from a current employer, please give your reason here.
To satisfy my desire for success, I must continue my education. Of the six business schools to which I am applying, the Stern School is my first choice. I am very excited about entering an MBA program that will allow me to focus on my interest in finance as well as provide me with the career possibilities and exposure to resources, such as networks and learning tools, which I do not currently have. At Stern, I know that my investment of time, energy, and money will be well rewarded. At this point in my life, I believe I have great potential to gain much from a business degree since I have been exposed to the business environment for the past eight and a half years. I now posses a strong foundation to build upon, and I am ready to assume the rigors and challenges of the Stern School’s MBA program.
In addition to its academic program, the Stern community is itself very appealing. The three undergraduate schools that I applied to were Babson, Bentley and Bryant. Babson College became my first choice as soon as I visited its quaint campus and fell in love with the friendly atmosphere and cultural diversity. From someone coming from a small fishing village in Maine, it was refreshing to be surrounded by family. Living in New York City has broadened my exposure to include a fast-paced, career-minded atmosphere. The combination of these characteristics at the Stern School will provide me with an excellent learning environment, and I hope to attend Stern for many of the same reasons I selected Babson.
For access to 100 free sample successful admissions essays, visit EssayEdge .
The Baker Library at HBS
HBS changed its essay question this year and made it no longer optional.
At MBA Admissions Advisors, we thought that it would be useful to provide our readers with fresh recommendations to tackle Harvard’s new question. We also tried to summarize what the web is saying about it.
Here is the new Harvard Business School’s essay prompt:
“It’s the first day of class at HBS. You are in Aldrich Hall meeting your ‘section’. This is the group of 90 classmates who will become your close companions in the first-year MBA classroom. Our signature case method participant-based learning model ensures that you will get to know each other very well. The bonds you collectively create throughout this shared experience will be lasting. Introduce yourself.”
Answering the Introduce Yourself question:
You should consider these five pieces of advice when tackling the HBS essay:
1. Don’t repeat yourself: this essay is only one part of your application, use it to share information that can’t be found elsewhere (e.g. in the applications form or on your resume). Think about what professional and personal experiences you would like to highlight and what additional elements you would like to share with the admissions team.You shouldn’t approach this essay much differently than in the recent years, when HBS was asking applicants:
“We can see your resume, school transcripts, extra-curricular activities, awards, post-MBA career goals, test scores and what your recommenders have to say about you. What else would you like us to know as we consider your candidacy”
2. Write as if you were speaking to your classmates: this is one of the main difference from last year’s essay: you are not writing to the admissions committee, but speaking to your classmates instead. It should influence your essay structure in two main aspects.
First, you need to think about a set of stories or anecdotes that you would want to share with your classmates. You may not want to write about things that are very personal in nature and you certainly want to avoid coming across as over-confident or pretentious. After all, you will be pretty much living with your classmates for the next two years, so don’t be annoying.
Second, your story needs to be concise, and easy for your classmates to follow. Your style should be impactful yet simple, as your section mates will not be reading your essay; you will be speaking to them.
3. Don’t be boring: Imagine that you are the last one of your section of 90 students to speak. What are you going to tell your peers that is interesting enough to keep them awake. You will need to find a story that sets you apart from your colleague, one that has the potential to intrigue them. There is no magic formula here, but think about experiences, connections, or unique achievements that might make them want to know more about you. Put yourself in their shoes: if you were listening to a classmate’s introduction, what would you be interested in hearing? This is your chance to deliver a mini-TED talk.
4. Show that you’ve done your homework and know what HBS is about: When they published the new essay question (“Introduce Yourself”), the HBS admissions team also posted a video depicting the HBS case method. This highlights the importance for you to know HBS and its emblematic case method. We don’t recommend that you explicitly address the “Why HBS” question directly in your essay, but you should make sure that your essay highlights the contributions that you will make to your class: what unique experiences and perspectives will you bring to the case discussions. Answering this question may actually take some honest introspection.
5. Be VERY concise: The essay has no word limit, but you need to remember that there are 90 people in your section who will all introduce themselves. If everyone were to take 5 minutes for their speech, it would take 7.5 hours in total… You get the point! Overall, we recommend keeping your essay between 600 and 800 words, and certainly avoid going beyond 1,000 words. When done with your essay, read it out loud and see how long it takes you. Your presentation shouldn’t exceed two to three minutes.
Around the Web: What others are saying about Harvard’s new essay question
To help you start think about ways to Introduce Yourself, we’ve also summarized the web’s best posts on the topic. Here is what we’ve found :
- The admission committee has already seen your resume, data forms, and recommendations so you should build on them rather then reiterate content already covered in your application
- Don’t be too cocky, try to strike a balance between impressive stories and salient interests you would typically share with your classmates
- Leverage the case method video the admission committee shared to emphasis your points and mention what role you would play in the collaborative environment of the case method
- You should aim for 750-1,000 words for your essay
Poets & Quants
- You need to prioritize meaningful aspect of your life, but present the content in a style and tone suitable for your future classmates whom you just met
- You need to remain disciplined and refrain from making a laundry list
- Focus on showing maturity, accomplishment, and leadership through your stories
- Focus on clarity and be concise, max of 1,200 words
- Know yourself, know HBS and demonstrate your fit with the school
- Use your essay to fill the gaps from your application
- Show diversity and leverage professional and personal stories
- Don’t try to answer why HBS
- Read your essay out loud and see if it makes sense, it really needs to feel like you are presenting yourself to your classmates
- It shouldn’t be too long. When you read it out loud it should be between 1 and 3 minutes, 5 being the absolute max.
- Simplicity: it needs to be easy to understand
- Don’t overstate your accomplishments, it needs to be believable
- You need to be different and make sure your story is interesting
- Don’t replicate information from your application
For more advice on how to approach your essay, we encourage to read some of our past posts, including our HBS essay tips from last year. Many are still relevant.
Finally, it helps to have someone who doesn’t know you well read your MBA application essays. They’ll be far more likely to spot gaps or inconsistencies that, while they make sense to someone who knows you well, stand out to someone who does not. If you’re interested in having one of us take a look, or if you want to brainstorm about potential essay stories, then reach out through our free consultation service. And of course, stay tuned to this blog for more posts on how to write effective MBA applications.